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OCTOBER 2023

Art Talk, Wack Feelings, Chili Oil

October 1, 2023

Guess what I just learned very recently? How to do these! I just assumed it was way more complex and never looked into it.

Also, if something seems more off than usual throughout this entry: it's because I started writing it three days ago, and then kept stepping away from it while typing it. I can't type worth anything anymore! It's October 1st in my mind until this is posted >:-(!

I've talked about it a lot already, but hey! I made a pixel club! I'd love if you joined :-) ! Also, I wish I put more effort into my example dolls after seeing everybody's great submissions TT_TT oops

I'm continuing my non-stop crochet nightmare. I've made some degree of progress in my redone scrap blanket, and three small projects since making this page. So, overall, it's going okay.

Something on my mind: I'm adding but one drop to an overflowing bucket, but man the modern internet sucks sometimes. Everyone I follow on any site is either A: They update daily or more, in order to keep up with the algorithm, and drown out everything else because that's marketing. Actual personal connection to the content be damned. Or B: Post on a normal human schedule, which does not work with the algorithm, so you see their updates even less.

I'm hypocritically really desperate for genuine, personal online experiences; yet don't do/provide that. I love reading long paragraphs about how someone watched 40 episodes of a show in two days and hate this one character, or how much more they like this jar of jelly vs this jar of jelly, or an in-depth description of the scenario their character has been drawn in. If you were on Deviantart around 2005-2010 you may recall battles for/against the act of "fave and running" -- favoriting a piece of artwork but not leaving a comment.
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^^^ stamps I found on the issue.

I was at a sort of in-between spot, personally. Seeing how much people appreciated comments inspired me to/resulted in me commenting a bit more often; but otherwise I didn't really care that much. My art was so bad getting a favorite was shocking lol. I understand the sentiment, doesn't everybody want human connection? I was complaining about it one paragraph ago!

I can't help but wonder where to draw the line for "I want to see authentic people," though. Someone who uploads slightly different crops of a sketch page multiple times a day, with just a link to their patreon in every caption -- is that not a genuine human? The post itself offers little, but even just going to their page tells a story of a person. Someone who, as far as online presence goes, values income above all else. They value it so much they don't make time to write about the process, or read the comments. To what limits do they value income? How many social events do they miss, they uploaded on Christmas. Do they even celebrate Christmas? Their focus is money, not announcing their Christmas plans, so we'll never know! While that seems a little sad to observe, that IS a person showing who they are, however indirect. Don't I like seeing authentic people? (Edit: a while later as I’m reformatting pages. I don’t get what I was trying to say this whole entry; fwiw I do remember it was like 4 AM when I wrote it.)

Working with my Brain: Specifically Through the Lens of Laundry and a Shampoo Tracker

October 8, 2023

As always, I've started and deleted this multiple times. I'm so bad at writing. The crux of it: I took some time to actively work with how I am and I want to talk about it. I keep trying to hard too be verbose or smart or have a takeaway, I can't do that.

How I am:

Basically, the things I stick with (very general terms, I know) are: easy to do, take little time, and can be done whenever. My best, and first example: I had a laundry hamper in my room, but always ended up with clothes on my floor. I decided on a whim to move the laundry hamper to the center of my room where the clothes pile was usually the worst. I don't have clothes on my floor anymore. I only just now realized exactly why; but it's because it's the perfect balance of all "dirty laundry scenarios" -- changing at my closet, changing before bed, and within throwing distance of my door for when I shower. Versus being crammed into a corner of my room, hidden by furniture.

Another example: I own a Hobonichi Techo Cousin! It's a very nice quality and very cute planner. It has monthly, weekly, AND daily spreads! And lists and a blank graph and the whole front is a giant gantt chart! I never ever use it ever. That tracker chart is in tiny font in the very front of a fat book that I barely remember to use in general. Something I've been keeping up with for almost two months now, though: This wall calendar that my mom got from a charity's spam mail and gave to me. Whenever I happen to walk past it, I take the marker that lives next to it and draw the appropriate symbol on the appropriate date. I now have a giant habit tracker on the wall directly above the calendar, and the calendar has all the things I want to write in my Hobonichi down. It works. This sounds like identical effort typed out, but honestly it works so much better for me.

My usual issue is how I value practicality and know I'll never be truly "aesthetic" (Look at the page you're reading this on! This fool did not go to graphic design school!) but I don't want to sacrifice personality. A pretty intense aesthetic VS practicality battle I've seen is bullet journaling, I'm sure you could find better written words on the subject from people within that community.

The Cycle, I think:

  1. I have a problem of sorts (want to track what shampoo I use when)
  2. I have a solution (I try to just remember)
  3. I overthink the solution; OR WORSE but unfortunately more common, someone else does not like/criticizes my solution. (It's hard to remember for more than a couple days :-( )
  4. I switch to a less ideal solution (make a shampoo tracker chart in the Hobonichi :-) !)
  5. I do not have success with it (I never look in the Hobonichi)
  6. I make a different, overcomplicated solution OR I go back to the original problem.

What I think I should do, is work out the simplest solution and be VERY CAREFUL about modifying it in the future. For example: The giant habit tracker on my wall is both embarassing and ugly. The instinct is to hide it away and use all my cute stationery. This will not work because:

  1. It's hidden. (from both others' and my own eyes)
  2. The more effort it takes (in my attempt to make it look nicer) the less likely I am to do it.

So the actual solution, that doesn't destroy the simplicity of the proven-to-work-process is:

  1. Recognize/Accept the fact that the current chart hidden behind my door when it's open, so very few people if any will actually see it. Also, while it's obviously a tracker chart, it's visually busy (especially since I use X's instead of leaving squares blank) so you'd have to really sit and stare at it to get information from it.
  2. Once a month when I make the new chart (IE an infrequent and inconsistent event, but not at risk of being forgotten) I just choose marker colors that I think look good together.

Uhhhhhhhhh that's all. I guess there were takeaways from this (for me.) Side note: I think this font makes :-) emoticons O-: look so cute so I'm using them way more often than usual lol.